They traveled East.

Hinata had insisted on seeing and cleaning and bandaging Oikawa’s wounds first; he had wrapped Oikawa round and round in clean cloth back at the cottage, with tightness and pressure on Oikawa’s side and back to stop the bleeding. He was worried - no - terrified at seeing how wounded Toru was, at now knowing the men of Cistren who would be on their way after Toru right now, and Hinata had agreed wholeheartedly that the only way they might possibly survive was to say goodbye to Grandma’s tombstone, the cottage, their home, and leave.

They’d packed light, there was nothing worth bringing, just wrapped themselves in the warmest most wind and water proofed things they could find -

They would need to move quickly, through the night, and disappear. Oikawa could not risk moving in his wolf form lest some other hunters or person spotted them -

Their plan was quick, effective immediately, their migration, their flight, based on survival only with no room for remorse. Their situation was dire: Hinata was almost skin and bones, the Wolf of the West would now have every soldier from Cistren on his tail -

And yet -

And yet…

The moon glowed white and silver like a blessing. The eternal night sky, with its glittery host of stars, smiled down on them. The cold frosty air in Hinata’s lungs, the smell of leaves and foliage in his nose, the roaring feeling of being alive - everything was intensified, everything was made of fairy dust, ever since -

‘Can you say it again? Say it one more time?’

‘I love you, Toru.’

Oikawa stopped and swooped down, kissing Hinata on the mouth for what felt like the millionth time.

Life, it seemed, never made sense.

Just when the absolute worst thing could’ve happened, the best possible thing happened side by side it: Oikawa had almost died, he was wounded, he was in pain, soldiers were after him, he was meant to be killed by the love of his life yet instead - 

Here he walked, hand in hand, in love.

In love, for the first time, and with the person he loved, loving him back.

Oikawa’s lungs and heart and body had never felt so full, his head had never felt so light, life had never looked the way it did now.

And Hinata was mesmerised. Ever since he’d confessed his love to the Wolf of the West, it was like Oikawa had been infected with the sort of hope Hinata usually carried around inside of him, boundless endless unstoppable hope, and now it was Oikawa who kept blabbering about going to the nearest town or village where someone would feed them, finding a cottage, begging for scraps, spotting a pheasant, killing a deer.

Oikawa kept kissing Hinata’s hand, kissing his mouth, hair, ear, cheek, making Hinata blush so beautifully that Oikawa couldn’t stop looking at him.

‘You need to watch where you’re going Toru there’s a log right in front of you!’

What magic was this, Hinata wondered, why his heart overflowed from Toru’s large hand tightly laced through his? Why is it he also couldn’t take his eyes off of Oikawa? 

Yet why was it that Hinata couldn’t feel the moment as fully as he felt Oikawa could?

Why did he feel like his bones were grinding against each other as he walked, like his blood was stuttering through him instead of flowing smoothly? His head and footsteps felt heavy, like walking was taking insurmountable strength. And his stomach - surely his stomach had emptied itself down and up and sideways, in all directions, and was taking in other parts of his body, emptying them too, so that he was becoming a walking cage of empty organs.

Hinata tripped - 

  

'Shoyo -!' 

  

And fell forward - 

  

But Oikawa caught him from behind and scooped him up in his arms - 

Hinata felt it then - that last morsel of strength he had left, evaporate.

  

'I don't feel well, Toru.' 

  

Crack. 

  

Splinter. 

  

Ice. 

  

Glass. 

  

Newborn dreams. 

  

'L-Lets s-stop - and rest for a moment -' Oikawa stuttered, his heart skidding across a fragile frozen lake. 'Look! We can hide amidst those trees -' 

  

Oikawa ensured no one was around and ventured off the path to the left, into the thick of the forest. He kept his ears peeled for humans or animals and heard nothing but the heavy breathing of his companion. 

  

Oikawa waded deep into the forest until he found a small clearing hosting a magnificent balding giant oak tree, with a sheltered nook between it's outstretched legs, perfect for hiding. 

  

Oikawa nestled down into the space, cradling Hinata close, wincing as he felt the bend in his side, the bloody wound still throbbing. 

  

'Hold me close, Toru. I'm so cold.' 

  

Shatter. 

  

Oikawa's heart fell through, blanching into dark ice cold depths, relentless, drowning, dead. 

  

This mirage. This wispy haze of shimmer, always beyond his reach. The promise of happiness. Ever elusive. 

Deep down, really, he had known. 

  

Oikawa squeezed Shoyo close. 

  

'Give me your hands -' 

  

Oikawa rubbed his hands hard over Hinata's. His back was against the tree trunk, thankfully a small patch close to the body of the tree was free from snow, although Oikawa's long legs stretched out, and his ankles and feet touched the beginning of white. Still. Oikawa's long thick grey cloak was doing its job, padding his back and bottom from freezing ground and cold, hard wood. Hinata lay perpendicular across Oikawa's lap, cradled in the wolf's arms, and the back of Hinata's ginger head pressed against a leg of the tree's root. 

  

'If I transform into a wolf, I can keep you warmer.' 

  

A small had tugged at Oikawa's cloak, those crystal amber eyes peered into Oikawa's, and that same cold hand cupped the side of Oikawa's face. 

  

'No. I want to feel you like this. I want to feel your skin as much as possible.' 

  

Oikawa barked a laugh. 

  

'What's funny, Toru?' 

  

'Well,' Oikawa awkwardly kissed Hinata again and admired that fairy-like face. 'How many nights had I fantasised about you saying that sort of thing to me while we were sleeping beside each other at Grandma's in front of the fire, along with all kinds of indecencies I conjured up in my mind. And now when I finally have you here in my arms, saying words from my dreams, I barely have enough strength to kiss you, let alone do more than that. Life is cruel yet sweet, at the same time.' 

  

'How much would you need to eat to become strong once again?' 

  

'Do you want me that badly, Sho?' 

  

The wolf grinned as those cheeks turned the colour of the owner's cloak. 

  

'That's not why I was asking!' 

  

'Come now, don't be shy -' 

  

Oikawa couldn't resist teasing Hinata for a few more moments, while doting him with a few more kisses here, there and everywhere, all over Hinata's face. But the colour on those cheeks faded, and the penetrating stare from those gemstone eyes was as biting as the cold all around them; humour dissipated as soon as silence was given space, and the size of their dire situation was too big a mountain to hide or ignore. 

Those hollow cheeks, this bony beautiful face… How frail Hinata’s body was now compared to when Oikawa had first met him. So plump and juicy and meaty, Oikawa had wanted to devour him then and there… How emaciated he looked now, having wasted away from hunger, yet still, the most bewitching being Oikawa had ever seen.

  

'Toru, please listen. I am weak. And my stomach is in a lot of pain. My bones feel like heavy stones and walking is too much. I have taken to eating snow and twigs that only make my stomach worse. I don't think I have -' 

  

'I'm not leaving here without you.' 

  

Those marvellous brown eyes. Ferocious. Faithful. 

  

'Please listen, Toru,' Hinata whispered, eyes welling up. 'There are dry twigs, cloth and flint in my bag, for fire, and I brought the knife like you asked. You can -' 

  

'Make a fire to keep us warm -' 

Oikawa lifted up Hinata’s legs and shuffled down past Hinata’s body, about to stand up -

  

A hand snatched the hem of his hood - 

  

'No, Toru, stop. That's not what I meant.’ 

Oikawa turned his torso towards Hinata, his hands on the icy ground, ready to spring up.

Hinata’s lip trembled. No matter how hard a thing it was to say, his resolve was rock solid. The redhead swallowed and stared deep into Oikawa’s eyes.

‘What I want to say is - you can eat. As a human, or as a wolf. And you will live.' 

  

'I will hunt tonight -' 

  

'NO.' 

  

Hinata clutched, with what strength he had left, the soft fabric of Oikawa's cloak. With enormous effort, he pulled himself up so that he was no longer resting against the root of the tree, and another frail, cold hand went to Oikawa's warm cheek, holding that magnificent face, holding all attention, those brown eyes, on Hinata. 

  

'You know as well as I do, there is nothing left living in the forests. What I'm saying is - you can eat me, Toru.'

‘WHAT!!!!’

Oikawa sprung up, back, away from Hinata, stepping into snow.

  

'Eat me - and you will live.' 

  

'NO!!' 

  

'You said you thought about it -' 

  

'NO! No I could not, will not, I will never -!!' 

‘Wouldn’t my blood, my skin, my body… taste so good in your mouth?’

‘Shoyo,’ Oikawa whispered, eyes wide horrified. ‘Don’t -!’

‘Wouldn’t I taste so sweet? If there is at least one way, I can appease your hunger with my body -’

‘Shoyo stop -’ Oikawa fell to his knees clutching his stomach as he began to cry. ‘Please stop Shoyo stop -’

Tears formed in Hinata’s eyes. He felt every plea like a dagger ripping through his starving heart. 'Or just a part of me - take my hands. My legs. If I will die, I will not die in vain. It would make me so happy to give my dying body as food for you -' 

Oikawa howled, sobbing in anguish, his eyes squeezed shut leaking tears with his hands now clamped on either side of his head against his ears. 

‘I will never defile your body, Sho. Not now, not ever.’  

As Oikawa spoke these very words, he found strength in them, in the truth of them, as sure as sunrise. His sobs quietened, and he finally opened his eyes, still with his hands pressed against his ears.

Hinata was crying now - eyes red, tears streaming down that precious face.

‘I’m - I’m so sorry, Toru!! I just wanted to save you! I’m sorry!!!’

Hinata covered his face with his hands as he wept, taking in sharp quaking breaths. 

Step. Step. Step. 

Swoop -

Hinata felt the warmth of Oikawa’s embrace as the older boy hugged him. 

‘I’m sorry I’m so sorry -’ Hinata whispered through the gap of his palms across his face, ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you so Toru -’

Oikawa let go and pulled Hinata’s hands off of his face, and pulled Hinata to him as Oikawa lay back on the grass on his right side, the side unwounded, against his cloak. Oikawa shuffled down at eye level and held the meat of Hinata's cheek and kissed him, slow and hard, with tears still in the wolf's eyes. 

‘You already saved me, Sho.’

They lay side by side, red cloak next to grey, on the ground, a familiar position, just like the many nights they spent in front of the fire. This position - a lot worse: no comfy pillows, no roaring fire, no soft blankets. Instead - bent necks, cold air, cold ground, weak bodies and watery eyes. This time - a lot better: for one reason and one reason only -

‘I love you,’ Oikawa said.

This made Hinata’s tears well to the brim, and overflow. ‘I love you too.’

This time Hinata closed the gap and kissed Oikawa, heart and soul, holding onto Oikawa’s cold cheek with Hinata’s own cold hand.

‘There is still time,’ Oikawa whispered after the kiss, ‘I can transform, take you to the outskirts of Cistren and lay down my life… You will be honored and live with the King.’

‘And watch as soldiers pierce you? Cut you? Parade your dead body in triumph?’ a tear slid down Shoyo’s cheek. ‘How could I bear to live with myself if that were to happen?’

‘What difference would it make if I’m already dead?’

‘The same difference whereby if I were to die first, you still refuse to eat me.’

‘You are stubborn,’ Oikawa kissed the tip of Hinata’s blue frozen nose. ‘And too good. I will not be able to bear it, if I die first, knowing I would’ve died anyway, and my death could have been of service to you.’

‘Then I must go,’ Hinata whispered, ‘first. As I too will not be able to bear holding your still body -’ Hinata’s voice broke, ‘seeing you like that, so soon after Grandma -’ he started crying again, ‘why is life so cruel? Why is it so untimely? Why is it nothing you think will happen does? And the unexpected steals time like a thief in the night. How I wish, we had more time together…’

Hinata’s face was turning blue. His cheeks, his nose, his lips - his hands were already made of ice. The cold had bitten into him like an infection, starting at his side touching the ground and weaved its way up, in, through him, like poison ivy through his veins. Surely soon the empty vessels of his organs will turn to ice, and this bony cage of his skeleton too. He will be made of ice - white, translucent, perfect, pure.

‘I am truly grateful,’ Oikawa tried to speak forceful, to stop his teeth from chattering, ‘for every single moment I got to spend with you, Sho. If any place exists after death, I will find you.’

‘Yes,’ Hinata smiled through his tears, ‘in another life, in another world, we will be together.’

‘I promise you.’

‘I promise too.’

Oikawa closed the gap and held Hinata to him, slotting Hinata’s head under his chin, that small frame against his body. He could feel Hinata shivering - this arrow in Oikawa’s heart - when it would finally extract itself, Oikawa knew, his heart would bleed out, and stop beating with it. 

‘I love you, Shoyo.’

Oikawa kept saying it.

And saying it.

And saying it.

And saying it.

‘Maybe we’ll see Grandma again.’

I love you, Shoyo.

‘The world will not regret my death.’

I love you, Shoyo.

‘I hope the rest of your family survives.’

May all your family members thrive and know that we loved each other. 

Oikawa curled his body, his tail, his paws around the still boy, sound asleep, protecting him from the elements.

May your body be found and mourned like it should.

Untouched, preserved, intact. 

Perfect.

As perfect as you are.

As perfect as fresh virgin snow.

I love you.